Posted by: Christopher Ryan | Sun 19 Jun, 2011

My Testimony

My Testimony

         I’ve given my testimony only a few times and I’m not sure if anyone has ever even heard the whole thing.  I figured I’d go ahead and give it to you all.  This is probably the most personal thing you will ever read from me.  I hope you enjoy!

          I don’t remember the exact year or date that it all started but I’ll try to keep it as accurate as possible.  I was approximately eight years old (ten tops) and we (my mom, sister, brother, and I) had just moved into some apartments in El Dorado, AR.  We had a couple of people from Bible Baptist Church on Smackover Highway come by knocking on all the doors of the apartments.  They knocked on our door and my mom accepted Christ as her Savior and the young man asked us (my sister, brother, and I) if we wanted to do what our mom just did.  I really didn’t want to but I was afraid of what my mom would get in trouble if I didn’t.  So, I knelt down and prayed (the words) of salvation.

          During that prayer, in my head, I was saying how stupid it was and how I really didn’t want to do it.  That was the start of a long road of receiving Christ as my savior.  I remember being in church and hearing the Word of God and feeling the Holy Spirit move.  I also remember what I did for the longest time… I sat there and did nothing.  I felt God move and I knew what I should do but I didn’t.  I wanted to but was so afraid of what people would think.  Everyone already thought I was saved.  What would people say?  How would they react?  What would people do that knew me from school?  There were a thousand reasons not to do it.

          What After the longest time of that I felt God do something strange and quite honestly it scared me to death.  I felt the Holy Spirit withdrawal from me.  It was absolutely crazy.  I longed for Jesus after that.  I cleaned up my life (for what I could humanly do).  I participated in church.  I learned more about the Bible, learned the books of the Bible, and so on.  I tried to live my life right.  I

Christ Jesus

had tried several times to go through the steps again but Satan kept putting that first memory of the first time I had tried to do it, the memory of what I was saying in my head.  After a pretty good while of that I started convincing everyone else that I was saved and I knew that I did everything right with my life and the prayer and everything so I began to believe it myself.  I truly believed I was saved.

          About a year to one and one-half years of believing this I had a dream that opened my eyes and scared me to death at the same time.  I was going to Hugh Goodwin Elementary School in El Dorado, AR at the time.  In the dream, it was the end of the day and there was a big storm and you could look up in the sky and see Jesus on the cross.  The teachers were preaching to us to get our lives right.  You could look into the sky at Jesus on the cross and look into his eyes.  If his eyes were blue then you were saved and if they were Red then you were not.  At the time (in the dream) I was pretty cocky.  I “knew” I was saved and I didn’t have to look.  I eventually looked up and saw Jesus’ eyes and saw red eyes.  I was scared to death.  I immediately knew that I was not saved.

          That brought me back to I tried to get saved and ask Jesus into my heart but Satan kept bringing me back to the original time that I had tried.  I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to.  I spent many of nights crying my eyes out to get saved but I couldn’t.  God had withdrawal Himself from me and I couldn’t stand it.  I wanted to be saved so badly.  I spent nearly every night praying and in my prayers I would ask to get saved every night.

          This brings me to New Year’s Eve night in 2003.  On Wednesday December 31, 2003 my family was at Bible Baptist Church.  I had many issues going on at that time but we sang, ate, and prayed in the New Year.  And at approximately 11:30 PM, or 2330, I knelt down behind the piano on the back side of the stage and successfully accepted Jesus into my

The Word of God

heart.  I felt such an overwhelming peace in my life and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God had saved my soul from an eternity in hell.  For this reason I do not like when people say that if God withdrawals Himself from you that you don’t have a chance because if you really truly want to be saved and follow Jesus.  I believe God gives us choices and it’s up to us to make our decisions.  He lays the truth in front of us and it’s up to us to take the first step.

          I have been trying to live my life right ever since.  It’s not easy.  I’m only human and I fail my God every day.  It’s a continual process that never ends until we meet Him on that great day.  What a day of rejoicing that will be.  I love my God very much!

God Bless,
Christopher Ryan

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